29 MayWe have a NEW Blogger in town!

Tierra Teen is the premier page for teens and tweens! Congrats to my 13 year old she is now starting to blog on her own! Boo Hoo, they grow up so fast! Watch out for her and her friends’ blogs.

Hot Stones and Funny Bones: Teens Helping Teens Cope with Stress and A

29 MayOil Spill = DRAMA for OBAMA

Wow! It is amazing how everybody seems to blame Obama for something he had nothing to do with, but with the economy turning around nobody is giving him his props for that!!!! What’s up with that?

28 MayNo Love Lost

When I think of no love lost, I think of how could you get to the point where you feel that you could or could not lose love. What could someone do to you to make you so upset or hurt you so much that all you can say is, its okay, no love lost…. Well I have had many opportunities to witness this in my life and I am going to further explore several scenarios  to discuss different opportunities to say, “No Love Lost”.

First experience I’d like to use would be in forgiveness. Do you know it is possible to be hurt beyond measure yet still be able to say no love lost? Let me go further…. I had someone that I would have considered to be close to me for several years and all of a sudden we were no longer close, well I still prayed for this person I was not upset with them I just no longer believed in their choices so I decided to separate myself from them, but I kept the mindset of no love lost because I figured we had some good times as well as bad and well we take the good with the bad, hence, “no love lost” only love gained right? Okay, well a short time later more events happened to make me question if I ever really loved this person from the beginning or was the relationship only one sided. You do realize there is a such thing as one sided relationships right? If you didn’t let me take you to school for a moment…. there is!!! You will know when your relationships are one sided by the simple fact that everything in the relationship all the giving, all the encouraging, all the spending etc etc comes from you and not them or vice versa. Well, as I pondered the questions in my mind, were we ever really friends or was she just using me? Did she really care about my well being or just what she could get out of me? I answered by saying either way, no love lost. Which in this case I am simply saying I am not sure of the answers to my own questions, but on my side even  though I was hurt by the schedule of events leading up to the ending of the friendship, as far as how I felt about the person I know my friendship was truly genuine and I only wanted the best for this person and God knows my heart . I can rest in the fact that I was a great friend and I did love with all my heart and if I never see them again in this life I can honestly say no love lost or no hard feelings. Don’t get me wrong, when you feel you have been taken advantage of,  manipulated or used it is easy to not want to love or say nope I never loved you anyway, but if you really love the way you are supposed to you can’t cut love off that easily. To me, I would go so far as to say the people you are the closest to or the people you love the hardest are the ones that push your buttons the fastest and ultimately hurt you the most. You remember sibling rivalry right? Only your kid brother can make you mad enough to lock him in a closet, BUT if anyone messed with him you know you’d be ready to fight hook line and sinker right? But of course! WE can fight amongst ourselves but no one else better bother him right? Well that is my point. Even though your little brother was so close to agitate, frustrate, and dictate your every move and you could not WAIT to move out, once you did when you go home to visit you notice now he is the one being terrorized by both of you all’s new little sister.. ha! ha! ha! We laugh, and as flustering as it seemed at the time, now looking back it was not all that bad right? Hence, no love lost! You have long since forgiven your sibling; you are not holding this against him right? Well if you are use today as a day to forgive, and charge it to “no love lost”. Just as I have chosen to do in my relationships.

The next experience I would like to explore is how could you lose love for someone. Some would say that is easy to do, but I beg to differ. I have another experience where I was hurt in a relationship with a significant other. To protect the other person I will just say they did something some people would deem unforgivable. Well, if we are truly Christians nothing should be unforgivable, but when you are hurting sometimes you can’t see past the pain to understand the silver lining is pain is actually love turned inside out. Follow me on this journey of understanding. See, when you love someone and they do something to hurt you the first question you usually ask is what? “HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?” Then its, “I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME?” Then self-pity tries to set in and you feel like the victim instead of the victor. Then we start to ask, “WHY ME? WHY NOW? WHY? WHY? WHY?” Now, I’d like to say before I go any further, you have every right to feel however you feel, I just want to challenge you to think about what I am about to say so that maybe the next time you find out some hurtful information or someone lets you down you will be able to use this to coach yourself back to a safe reality without doing something you will regret. Now, when love turns to pain it can be as if someone ripped your heart literally out of your chest without even prepping you first! It is not a bearable thing; sometimes no matter how strong you think you are, you must consider the fact that we all have our breaking point. Automatically it is as if the rhythm you thought you had changes and you can no longer breathe or function the same and the mind boggling part is all of this can happen in a matter of seconds. Think about the last time you received or found out some unsettling news. Whew, did you think you would make it back? Did you ever think you would or could love this person ever again? That’s the thing. When we are hurt our judgement is clouded by the pain and we can’t see past it. How is it you have loved this man/ woman for 10 years and now because of this “thing” you question if you ever loved him/ her at all. Its not that you didn’t love them or they didn’t love you, its that all the goodness you felt has now been flipped and because of the heaviness that is brought in with the pain you no longer can get into focus anything pleasant there are only unpleasant things that plague you. I personally feel that you cannot simply lose love for someone because of what they do to you because that would mean you would take away the true essence of what love is. If you could just step away from the pain for a moment and focus on the essential components of why you love the person in the first place, yes it will still hurt but it will not be as painful as it would have been. I know it sounds controversial, but just try it. Think about someone you are or have been mad at or hurt by right now. Think about  what they did to you, even if it was a long time ago, think about it. Press pause on reading this and close your eyes to picture what they did. When you get the picture in your mind, open your eyes and continue reading…. Don’t worry, I have  plenty of time lol……. Okay have it? Now, think about how you felt when you first found out. Think about how mad you were…. how hurt you were…… what you wanted to say to them…… and maybe even what you wanted to do to them…… Now PAUSE!!!!! Take deep breathe, roll your neck from left to right slowly, slowly, slowly, now right to left again…. (this is a relaxation exercise that in the moment of anger will help you to step away from the cloud of pain for a moment so you can move forward) Okay now think about how you met this person. Think about the first time they made you laugh. Think about the first time you had an outing. Think about when you missed them or called them just because. Think about when they did something nice for you out of the blue. Think about when you two had your last heart to heart. Now, even though yes they upset you and yes you are still mad at them even as you read this, can you really tell me after all this time you have loved them you can just turn that love off after one argument? After one indiscretion? After one mistake? After one wrong turn? I think not!!! See, this is my opinion, I feel love is a permanent emotion and anger is a temporary emotion. Love is something you felt from birth even if you have never been loved, it was ingrained in your DNA to give it even if people do not reciprocate it. Love is an emotion you can stay in all the time no matter what and actually it is a commandment from God to love one another. Anger or being mad is not something that you will  always have, do or be. Just as pain is not something you will always have do, or be. So, why do we allow it to plague us and cloud our judgement so profoundly? Good question huh?

This is how I come to the conclusion that no matter how mad you are at someone, if you truly have love in your heart you will not be able to lose love for anyone, but quite the contrary, you will actually  have love for everyone. As people come and go in your life, you can use this as a coaching technique to continue to love no matter what, and even for the people that are deemed “unlovable” you simply separate yourself from them, and put them in the category of  “no love lost”! Forgiveness is the weapon of choice God gave us to use against the plague of pain and if you forgive you will not harbor any strive in your life and it will keep you from becoming seared by the fiery darts pain attempts to shoot at your heart to desensitize us from being all we can be. There is no method to change every situation, but there is a way to determine how you will react and respond to the trials and tribulations of life. I can honestly say I have told my husband in times past  that I thank him for all our unpleasant moments because when God blessed me to master my emotions and understand which are permanent (love) and which are temporary (anger) it gives me an opportunity to remember how much I love him time & time again.

Signing off,

I ispire to INSPIRE,

Coach T

26 MayTo Speak or NOT to Speak

So after I workout everyday I usually go to my local grocery store to have my lunch. There is an older gentlemen that works there that I see everyday. Not somedays, but everyday! Well, I will make eye contact with him and he always looks away or acts like he is busy whenever I come in. For the first few WEEKS not days WEEKS I thought it was just me, but then I started noticing he speaks to everyone else so now I’m curious to know what is the deal? So this particular day when I went I saw him and I know he sawme because we made eye contact when I first entered the store. Then, after I paid for my food I noticed he was still standing behind me so I walked up to him. Immediately he went on the defense. His eyebrows went up, he kind of scooted over a little from where he was standing as if I were invading his space. Then I said to him, “sir, can I ask you a question?” He replied, ” sure what is it ma’am?” So I told him I come to this store everyday, not some days, everyday to have my lunch; plus I’m in this store at night and some mornings for different things, I went on to say. I told him and you never speak to me, why is that? He responded in utter shock as if I had caught him with his pants down or something. I’m sure in all his days no one as been bold enough to confront him like this, but I am the type of person that calls a spade a spade and I do not and will not bite my tongue in any circumstance! So he answered my question by saying he did not realize he was not speaking. He went on to say alot of times his mind is somewhere else and he didn’t mean to be that way and he apologized. Well, I wasn’t really buying it, but I didn’t want to seem argumentative so I respected my elder and bowed down gracefully by leaving him with, “well thank you, and have a nice day!”

The biggest problem I have with this is not that he did or did not speak to me personally, but that he works for a major grocery chain and that is apart of his job description. Work the cashier register, assist customers, and most of all be courteous and SPEAK!!! How can you not do that? Its simple! It doesn’t cost anything, it doesn’t hurt you in anyway, and you get paid to do it! Why should I have to coheres you to do the very thing you are paid to do? That baffles me! BUT, never the less always the more, I got over it. I have lost friendships over not speaking. Personally I feel if I am not paid to do it I have a choice to decide whether I want to or not and sometimes you know you just may not feel like being super “perky” that day. You know speaking leads to conversating and conversating leads to conversing and conversing leads to long drawn out endless time spent chatting about nothing!!! Sorry, let me jump off my soap box! Back to the subject at hand, oh this is the subject to speak or not to speak…

Anywho, I’m okay with people reserving the right to speak or not speak in everyday life, but when I or you go somewhere to spend money, well that’s a different story. We all have our part to play in this world, and I think if when you go to work tomorrow you make it a point to speak to someone even if you don’t want to you will notice it will put you in a better mood and maybe make someone’s day. If I were shallow and had low self-esteem this could have really been detrimental to my growth, but I am not and it was not, simply because I chose to break the ice by asking the question…. WHY?

I charge you this day to do the same. If you are unhappy or bothered about something, don’t talk about it…. march right on over and respectfully, tactfully ask the question WHY? You will find it is usually no where near what you thought it was, and even if it is, I doubt they will admit it and I’m positive you will have a different outcome the next time you approach the situation.

Signing off,

I ispire to INSPIRE,

Coach T

26 MayReason, Season, & Lifetime Friendships

Hello! This is my first blog on my new and improved site. First I want to let you know other places you can follow me. 

 www.inspire.com/coacht; www.gocoacht.blogspot.com.

I am so excited to have this avenue to blog. I have so many things we need to discuss.

First, I’d like to talk about friendships. I have learned that people are in our lives for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. Some friends we love really hard and when they do not reciprocate the feelings it makes you feel like they really don’t care about you, but this is simply not true. First of all, you have to understand why is this person in your life. Are they someone that will be with you forever or someone that will be with you until…  Until you piss them off, until they piss you off, until you stop giving them what they want, until they stop giving you what you want. No one can make this decision but you. Once you make this decision, then the next question is what is their love pattern. Some people are not “touchy feelie” (like me) I love really hard, but I do not like to be touched. I sometimes feel vulerable  and will reach out for someone like at church or even if I’m hurt, but typically nope! I do not like to be touched. Some people would take that as meaning I do not care, but that is not true. I will do anything for my friends and family. I am there for them wholeheartedly, just don’t touch me lol. Then you have other people that love to give affection. I have a sister that is SO family oriented. She calls and checks on people, goes to visit the sick, never meets a stranger, and she is known as “Sunshine” because she brightens your day when she is around. Does that mean I don’t? Not at all. It means that she has her way of showing love and I have mine. All that means is we are different. We are all different in many ways and when my way is different from your way we can  have a problem. I say A and you say B… who get s what  they want. If we are truly friends we will learn to compromise. If one of us is selfish usually they will push like a little kid having a temper tantrum to get their way no matter what the cost. This is the person you want to evaluate your relationship with. How is it they always get their way and you never do. How is it they pick where you eat, where you go, what you wear and you have no say so… Do you allow this to happen? Why? Why does their way become yours? Why do you take this off of them? Are you needing to be needed? Do you have a void in your life and you feel if you tell them no they won’t want to be your friend anymore? Do you long for companionship thru friendship? Well, if any of this applies to you my first suggestion would be to evaluate this relationship from the beginning to the present.  Choose your battles. If you can just talk to them and they will listen and respond respectfully then that is a true friend, but if when you discuss it they get an attitude and blow off the handle then you know they are not the type of person you want in your life for a lifetime no matter how great they are. People should lift you up, encourage you, be there for you when you can’t be there for yourself if they are your true friends. You should not always find yourself paying at lunch or you are the one that drives everytime you go somewhere unless that was decided between both of you. We should look for healthy relationships that can add life to our lives not make us question it. I have had both. I have had people use me up until there was no more, and I have had and still have friends that always know what to do and when to do it to build me up and elevate me to the next level. I have some people in my life that I know are lifetime relationships no matter where I am. Whether two minutes or two days away we always cross each other’s paths. Then  I have people that live across the street that I was friends with but I couldn’t tell you what they look like today. That is what is so awesome about the reason, season and lifetime friendships.

A “reason” friend is someone that you are friends with for a specific reason. For example, you start a new job and you meet Sally on your job. You and Sally really hit it off. You work in Accounting, she works in Payroll, but you see her at the gym, you see her at your favorite eating places, and since you two have so much in common you start to hang out on lunch and workout together. Then your company transfers you to a satellite office on the other side of town. You and Sally say you’re still going to still hang out and workout together but you never seem to quite make it. During the time you and Sally are friends she introduces you to her brother who works at ABC Bank. You have opened an account there, and several months later you apply for a mortgage and her brother whom you would have never met had you not become friends with Sally now finances your new home yet you do not see or talk to her anymore. You two didn’t have a fight, you weren’t mad at each other, you simply lost contact when you stopped working with her, but it was a reason you met her. Case and point, had you not met her you may not have gotten the mortgage that her brother who she introduced you to financed for you. That’s a reason friend.

A “season” friend is someone that is in your life for a season. Just like the seasons of the year. You know that spring comes after winter every year no matter what. This person is like the sister at your church that is real nice to you when you first join. She is welcoming, inviting, and has a beautiful spirit. You two may have home bible studies for the first couple of weeks until you feel comfortable. God will assign people to us to equip us with the things He needs us to have to go to the next level He is elevating us to. After her time is up you will notice that she simply goes away. Again, you are not into it, you didn’t have a fight, she just went away. She was in your life for a season and you can tell that you have a noticeable difference about yourself that you are eternally grateful to her for.

A “lifetime” friend is someone that is in your life forever. They could be a childhood friend that you see every now and then, a church member from your “home church”, or your college roommate as examples. This is not the person you see or talk to everyday, but when you do see or talk to them the first 30 minutes are used to play catch up. This the person that you say, “I was just thinking about you” and out of the blue they call and invite you to lunch. This is the person that no matter what you or they are going thru  you know you can call and they will be right there. This is the person you can look back on the hard times with and laugh at all your struggles. You can remember with this person all the trials and tribulations God has brought you thru over the years and you both are overjoyed to see where you came from and where you are going.

Now that we have explored all the types of friends I charge you with homework. I would like for you to go thru and  access value to each and every friendship in your life. Who are your reason, season, and lifetime friends. Do they each have significance? Do some mean more than others? Most of all find your friend-a-mies. (friends that are really enemies) All of those, I encourage you to feed out a long, LONG handle spoon. We also call them “haters”. You cannot get rid of these people. Even Jesus had one. (Judas) Come back and let me know how your list goes.

Signing off,

Coach T,

I ispire to INSPIRE!